First of all I’m going to start with the crap medical stuff. My symptoms have suddenly taken quite a dip. I am losing sensation in my right hand and some fingers in my left hand. This seems to confirm my neurological diagnosis, and the fact that it is degenerative. Even despite this, I am feeling so much better than the last time I wrote. I know it is sad, but I’m nowhere near as upset as my last post. This is because I opened a PO Box and I have been really enjoying receiving the first few letters. I’m going to reply to them today. I feel so much less alone. My symptoms have been getting worse over the last 6 weeks, but I just assumed I was having an EDS dislocation flare. I am getting stiff in the night, unable to move without strong meds, and now the sensation loss. I am in the very fortunate position that I have the two best doctors I could dream of, who are going to try and talk on Monday. One is local, and one works in a large city hospital. I’m finding writing with a pen difficult, and am trying to teach myself how to do it with no sensation. Then, my arm aches so I am struggling to do most things. I am using dictation software right now, so I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes. I have invested in a book rest, meaning I can still read easily – there is no way I’m giving that up!
My new PO BOX address is:
LETTERS TO HANNAH
PO BOX 147
CARNFORTH
LA5 5BF
It would mean the world if you had the time to write a letter. I can look at them when I am feeling down, and hope to create a pen pan style relationship with a whole host of people. (It would also be helpful if you could include an international reply coupon or UK stamp if you live here).

Over the past week I have been a bit radical by Hannah standards 😂. I have got my seconds ear piecing done, and have dyed my hair dark purple. These are things I have wanted to do for a long time, and there is no better time to do such things than when you feel a bit rubbish.

 

Last wednesday I went to see Lemn Sissay live at the Brewery arts centre. What an amazing guy, he pinned you to your seat, looked right at you. He had the room crying with laughter one minute, and actually crying the next. His play, ‘something dark’, proves both his strength of character and linguistic skill all in one. I was absolutely exhausted and so couldn’t stay for the Q&A, but still, all this time later think about that play a lot.

I also went out fabric shopping last week. I went to a shop that only stock one roll of a fabric and then never stock it again. It is called Colours of the Rainbow and is based in Carlisle. I went in and bought three metres of ZEBRA fabric. Why am I so excited by this? Well, people with Elhers Danlos Syndrome (EDS), are called Zebras because while every zebra is recognisable as a zebra, every zebra has a different amount of / pattern of stripes — no two are alike. This is the same for us, while we all have EDS, no one has exactly the same experiences/ symptoms.

I did a poetry reading with Lancaster Spotlight in a care home last week. It was such a wonderful experience. I think the residents enjoyed our music/ poetry/ spoken word, and it gave me so much to be thankful for. I chatted about the colour of mobility aids with one of the residents, it was quite amusing!

Anyway, thank you once again for reading what’s going on with me. It’s difficult, but it’s so much easier now that I am happy and raring to go!!

#MeToo when I was in year 8 the textiles room had art stools with the holes in the seat so that you can carry them. A boy thought it would be funny to put a pen up my skirt through this gap, and ram the pen right in to my private area. I cried and cried when I got home that night, it hurt like hell, but put it down to boys being boys. I didn’t tell anyone because I thought they wouldn’t take me seriously. I only realised about 6 years later once I had read Everyday Sexism, that it was completely wrong. How are we conditioned in to believing things like this are okay?

I have a better week this week. I’m not as sad, I’m just upset at my body I think. I am learning to sew using a second hand sewing machine. I am making all sorts! I just need someone to cut out the pattern and help me pin – and away I go! Dislocating fingers can’t stop me! I thought my troublesome forefinger and middle finger were on the mend, but they have swollen up pretty huge so they are in splints now.

I have been doing lots of poetry admin – which is difficult when you’re down, so I’m glad to be feeling a bit better and getting back on with things.

I went to the Lakes International Comic arts festival this past weekend. I got given a few review copies, spent more money than I should have, and met lots of people who I have been emailing. There were so many accepting people in town. I didn’t get stared at, I got smiled at. People noticed I was a person! That is quite a rare thing for Kendal, I usually get never ending stares and scowls.

My exciting announcement is being pushed back to Monday, so look forward to that!

Hello all! I am back from my longest ever break from my blog. I decided to take a step away after I started to feel like things were getting on top of me. I have so much routine to my day, more than I will ever speak about, and we have been challenging so many different people to try and make decisions in my best interest – I just became a bit tired of everything I guess, and a little emotional.

Talking about the nicer things that have happened this month, I have bought a second hand sewing machine and am learning to sew. I am trying to develop some affordable pretty medical items. If you can think of any items that would be beneficial to you or anyone you know, let me know!

I performed at Borderlines festival, Lakes Alive, Spotlight and the in the Grasmere In-the-Round Theatre. It has been a full on month putting my body through the nights out, but goodness me it is so worth it. I love performing and writing poetry. It saves me in so many ways.

I have had a sizeable number of appointments, both near my home and a fair trek away. It is so worth it when the people you trust, and are personable. People are really trying to understand my condition and make it more comfortable for me. I have seen: The specialist dental service, the palliative care doctor, the palliative care nurse, the hospice near me’s physio, the urologist, the neurologist and my gastroenterologist, wheelchair assessment, District Nurses and the hospice for some lovely respite. I am not saying all of these for sympathy or anything like that. I’m just trying to say that on top of my daily grind I have appointments and other things that I must do in order to stay as well as possible. Some people think that my mum has quite an easy life looking after me, but it is all of the jobs that people don’t think about relating to serious illness. Ordering and drawing up medication, GP appointments, not being able to shower alone, needing help to get up and dressed.

I am going to be announcing a HUGE project over on my YouTube channel next week. I have applied for funding and it has come through. It is going to be amazing.